You really coming over, don't trick.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
