Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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