I cockslap morals
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
