He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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