I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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