shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think a kid would responsible me up
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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