So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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