by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
