Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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