she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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