I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
