I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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