i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
