Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
