just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
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Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
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I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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