i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
