I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
sarcasm needs its own font
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
