Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
