remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
