booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
