all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
