True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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