So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
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I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
last night I used snow as a chaser
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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