the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
a search helicopter?!
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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