I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS