my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
