Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
