loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I am spending my child support on dildos
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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