I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
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he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
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He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!