I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.