It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.