Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
