Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
