"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
