Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
