this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
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I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
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So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize