found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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