I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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