The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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