Well douche your snatch and let's go!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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