Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
