what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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