I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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