sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
