We won't sleep together?
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
