Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
