MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
