Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Can you bring me the toilet please
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
