Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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