Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
