Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
