we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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