there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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