Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
did i just pee glitter
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
