Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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