Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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