What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
even my farts smell like vagina
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
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