pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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