He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
