Apparently you make a good broom.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
