He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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