DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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