My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
