I'm going to jail i love you
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
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