sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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