i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
