You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
