Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
