I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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